I lost my wedding ring....and my confidence

Well, I lied....I didn't come back the next day and post pics or a new blog. In fact, I've waited nearly a month. I already feel guilty enough, so I'm not going to dwell on that. I'll just say I'm sorry, and that is that.

Today a really, really crappy thing happened. I lost my wedding ring. Yup, it is gone. I feel just sick about it. I'm pretty sure I lost it while on a hike with my husband...me doddling along behind, snapping some pics, and it likely fell off while I was taking off my mitt to use my camera. It could be ANYWHERE. I did go back and retrace my steps, but to no avail.

The even worse thing was, I had thought many, many times that this could happen. When it is chilly out, my ring tends to slip off very easily. I should have known better than to wear it today. But honestly, this morning when I put it on, it never crossed my mind to NOT wear it. I love the ring. I love being married. I love wearing it.

So now I just hope. Hope that someone I know finds it (very unlikely). Hope that someone nice finds it, sees my 'lost' sign and calls me (very unlikely). Hope that miraculously it turns up in my house or in my car (unlikely). Or just accept the fact that it is gone and move on (not easy).

This is almost the straw that breaks the camel's back. I have been doing so many stupid things as of lately....between work, home, and basically just life in general I've messed up a lot. It is like I leave my brain somewhere other than where I am and try and function without it. I honestly am starting to get worried about it - should I be mentioning it to my doctor? Is it because I'm starting to go through a mid-life crisis (oh my goodness, I'm nearly 38 years old, no kids, no career....holy shit what is the point?) or am I just losing it? Needless to say, my confidence is next to nil. It has been dwindling for quite some time, but now the fact is that the lack of it is starting to really affect my life.

And you ask how losing my wedding ring stirred all this up? Well, it didn't really. It has been brewing for quite some time. I just feel EXTRA stupid today for losing the ring. Usually I just feel stupid.

Okay, tomorrow is a new day right? Yes. However, it will be one without my wedding ring, the sentimental value (not to mention the monetary value which was a shit-load), and the even smaller amount of confidence that I had prior to today -  but at least no one died.

New Year's Resolution.....a bit late

Okay, so I'm a bit late. It's mid January and I've just now decided to start writing my thoughts down. I don't feel overly eloquent tonight - as a matter of fact, I'm not even sure where to start. I had so many great thoughts the other day...but alas, never got to writing them down. 


Perhaps I shall start by stating why I want to write my thoughts down. I have always been someone who thinks journals are an amazing thing, but I've never gotten around to it. When I hear that people 'blog' every day, or write in a journal every day, I'm envious that they take the time to do so. Some people are just so darn talented with words....as you have already seen, this is not me. 


Basically, it has come down to this: over the past few months, I've allowed myself to plunge into a bit of a depression, and I think that journaling will perhaps assist me from falling further down. I'm actually on an upward turn now, so no time like the present. In addition, every once in a while, I have a fleeting thought that I think is worth writing down. I happen to have, what I consider, a very poor memory. So, if and when these fleeting thoughts come, if I don't write them down they are gone nearly as fast as they came. 


So there it is. My first blog entry. Hmmm. Not much, but at least it is something. I'll throw a few photos on the blog so it feels more homey. I'll do that tomorrow. Right now, just a pat on my back for actually sitting down and writing SOMETHING. Beats sitting through Harry Potter (that is what my hubby and foster kid are doing right now)....I've just never been a fan. And yes, I realize that that makes me a minority in virtually any population in the western (and much of the eastern) world...I'm very happy for J.K. Rowling, but I just can't get into it.  Suppose I should suffer through a bit of it - my crocheting will ease the pain...