Well, I lied....I didn't come back the next day and post pics or a new blog. In fact, I've waited nearly a month. I already feel guilty enough, so I'm not going to dwell on that. I'll just say I'm sorry, and that is that.
Today a really, really crappy thing happened. I lost my wedding ring. Yup, it is gone. I feel just sick about it. I'm pretty sure I lost it while on a hike with my husband...me doddling along behind, snapping some pics, and it likely fell off while I was taking off my mitt to use my camera. It could be ANYWHERE. I did go back and retrace my steps, but to no avail.
The even worse thing was, I had thought many, many times that this could happen. When it is chilly out, my ring tends to slip off very easily. I should have known better than to wear it today. But honestly, this morning when I put it on, it never crossed my mind to NOT wear it. I love the ring. I love being married. I love wearing it.
So now I just hope. Hope that someone I know finds it (very unlikely). Hope that someone nice finds it, sees my 'lost' sign and calls me (very unlikely). Hope that miraculously it turns up in my house or in my car (unlikely). Or just accept the fact that it is gone and move on (not easy).
This is almost the straw that breaks the camel's back. I have been doing so many stupid things as of lately....between work, home, and basically just life in general I've messed up a lot. It is like I leave my brain somewhere other than where I am and try and function without it. I honestly am starting to get worried about it - should I be mentioning it to my doctor? Is it because I'm starting to go through a mid-life crisis (oh my goodness, I'm nearly 38 years old, no kids, no career....holy shit what is the point?) or am I just losing it? Needless to say, my confidence is next to nil. It has been dwindling for quite some time, but now the fact is that the lack of it is starting to really affect my life.
And you ask how losing my wedding ring stirred all this up? Well, it didn't really. It has been brewing for quite some time. I just feel EXTRA stupid today for losing the ring. Usually I just feel stupid.
Okay, tomorrow is a new day right? Yes. However, it will be one without my wedding ring, the sentimental value (not to mention the monetary value which was a shit-load), and the even smaller amount of confidence that I had prior to today - but at least no one died.
